On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
