Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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