she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
