Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
