Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
