Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
