She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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