I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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