OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
