I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
