You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
