Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
