I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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