I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
