there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
