recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
