so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
