remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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