Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
