my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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