this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
