I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
