Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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