Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
