I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
