ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
