I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
