in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
