he shaved USA in his pubs
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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