i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
