Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
