is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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