Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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