I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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