Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I deserve this hangover.
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