you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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