I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
