I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We're too hungover to prance.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
