My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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