In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
