On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
