what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
