Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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