sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
