i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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