Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
