pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
