Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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