I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
