Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
