I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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