To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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