i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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