I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
